Is it possible to escape the iMe, iFirst, I-must-be-top-dog compulsion to have the best advantages, the best belongings, the fastest lane in traffic, the shortest line at the supermarket checkout? The attitude is a universal phenomenon. So how does God speak to this rampant self-preoccupation?
Jesus told a curious parable about a wedding feast and the coveted seat at the top table. In this parable, I can see Jesus drawing me in close and saying, “Look, this desire you have to be top-dog… Don’t do what these amateur social climbers do by taking the best place for yourself. Think about it! Another guest will enter the room who is clearly better at these social situations than you are and will get your seat. You will end up having to take a walk of shame back to the kids table! That’s not the way to do it. Instead, take the lowest place so that when your host comes, he’ll say to you, ‘Friend, move up to a better place.’ If you do it this way, ‘Then you will be honored in the presence of all the other guests!'” (Luke 14:10).
“Jesus, that’s brilliant!” I might respond. “Honestly, that’s the best self-serving, self-promoting, narcissistic advice that you have ever given me!” And just there, if I were really paying attention, I might just smell a trap.
So what is going on? Has Jesus suddenly become a wedding planner or a life coach? Did we imagine that Jesus is now giving counsel on social engineering? Of course not.
How much true humility are we showing if we “humbly” take our seat at the low end of the social spectrum, all the while hoping and praying to be noticed and led to a more socially-advantageous spot, preferably while others are watching? The parable is a trap. It isn’t advice on social advancement; it’s a teaching on humility that artfully exposes the true condition of our hearts. All we often really care about is ourselves. We might act humbly and do the right thing, but our heart isn’t really there.
So, if this is the state of our hearts, what are we supposed to do? The truth is, there is nothing we can do on our own. It isn’t just a matter of acting humbly and taking the lower position; it’s a matter of being humble. The prophet Jeremiah summed up the chronic state of our condition: “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.” (Jeremiah 17:9). Penned more than 2600 years ago, the diagnosis is still true. We cannot fix ourselves. We don’t have it in us to be more than just someone who appears humble. Only a heart transplant will do, because there is simply no cure for what ails us. Psalm 51 tells us where to look: “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” (verse 10). We must go to God, acknowledge that we are truly helpless to save ourselves, and ask Him to forgive us and help us.
Jesus’ parable ends with, “For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”(Luke 14:11). When Jesus was referring to those who “humble themselves,” his objective was to show us what true humility looks like, to help us realize our own inability to be the kind of person he was exalting, and to draw us to experience His forgiveness and help.
And if we do humble ourselves in this way, from the heart, what happens next? We are told, “For all those who humble themselves will be exalted.”(Luke 14: 11) But is the desire to be exalted another trap? What does it mean, and how do you know whether you have been exalted?
Let me offer three ways that would reassure you that you’ve been exalted before God. First, you’re going to know you’ve been forgiven and that this was an undeserved gift born out of God’s grace. Second, you’re going to be surprised by a new heart that motivates you to do things and say things for no other reason than to bless, encourage, and help another person. And finally, you’ll be really happy: not artificially happy, chemically happy, or even politely happy, but truly, wonderfully, gloriously happy. Why? Because, as the Lord said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” This blessedness increases over time as we are transformed from the inside out.
So in these ways, by God’s grace, we become ever more ready to lose the art of social climbing. We are freed from the need to be first, and from our heart, we begin to seek out the best interests of others. We can learn to be humble and know that God is right there with us, ready to exalt us no matter how low a position we find ourselves in.
I was directing a summer camp one year and the staff counselors took this as their path for the summer, they reminded themselves every time they were on a break and some person asked for something they would sing quietly to themselves, “Humble yourself in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up…” I saw them practice this time and time again and again throughout the summer. It was a huge object lesson for me.